Then there are the people who "don't believe in depression". "You should just be happy." Oh yeah, why didn't I think of that? It's a good thing that I'm this amazingly "all together" person who never suffers from postpartum depression, who never feels completely defeated by a high-strung 7-year old with behavioral issues and low self-esteem, a 1 1/2 year old hell-bent on throwing impressive tantrums, and a newborn who does nothing more than eat, sleep, scream, and shit. It's a good thing I thrive on little adult interaction 6 out of 7 days a week. It's a good thing I have no dreams, skill, or talent so that I'm not worried about them being totally wasted while my brain rots on washing laundry and barely keeping up with cleaning a house that everyone else is intent on keeping messy and dirty. It's all good because if I was suffering from postpartum depression and needed to make an appointment to speak with a professional, I would have to go with two screaming babies in tow.

The reason: because it's simply inconvenient for me to be unable to deal with life right now. After sacrificing my body for 9 months for an unplanned, less than desirable pregnancy and almost dying for the second time after delivery (nope, not exaggerating); after sacrificing my dreams for, yet another, indeterminable period of time, it is just simply not acceptable for me to NEED anything in return. Why should I have a problem with any of this anyway? I'm a woman, this is just what we do, and happily. Damnit, I should know my place. It's supposed to be buckets of sunshine to be a mother and a housewife. TO HELL WITH AMBITION! It's inconvenient.

So, as to not inconvenience anyone, I will strive and struggle and ultimately "deal" in silence with the thoughts that plague me until this 4th trimester is over just like I have in the past. I will pretend that life is all bunnies and rainbows and forget that my life has been disrupted, much less my schedule. My mantra shall be, "There's no such thing as hormones. There's no such thing as hormones."