I guess I should have seen this coming. It's been unraveling for years now. This process of "awakening". I've been denying it and avoiding it. I quit believing in feminism years ago. But since the morning I saw a pink plus sign on a home pregnancy test coming up on 8 years ago, my life has changed in unpredictable and astounding, sometimes aggravating ways. I can't even begin to go into that now. Not now. But nothing in my life has been the same since that moment. How strange to wake up one person and become another in half an instant. I remember it like it was only a moment ago and yet my entire life and everything that comprised the person I was that morning is now a vapor that has been blown away. In a way, I ache for that test to have come out differently. I guess things would have been easier. Perhaps not, though. Surely, I wouldn't be the woman I am now and certain dreams would never have come to pass.
That was the "beginning". And now I am in the middle of the one of the greatest upheavals of my 30 year life. Until this week, I was sure of certain things. Now I am a vast ocean of questions and curiosities. I can't say that's necessarily a bad thing. I'm naturally inclined toward the curious. So much so that I'm tempted to change the name of this blog. :)
To put it in "short", I have never been an advocate for women much. I don't enjoy being one most of the time. I don't enjoy what most would say are "womanly" activities (besides pedicures). But I am drawn to or even "called to" the benefit of women. Early in my "born-again" Christian life, I felt like self-esteem was what I had been called to. In the pursuit of that, I felt even deeper called into the life of writing on the same subject. As a matter of fact, the path my life has taken has lead me toward fulfilling these "destinies".
**I started this blog entry a year ago last month. It is interesting how much further into this very topic I have journeyed since that time. I began electrology school in April which set in stone my desire to pursue electrology as a career and reaffirmed my calling to heal the wounded self-esteems of women. I was able to see how my career puts me in the perfect position for this. In June, we found out we would be welcoming another baby (a girl) into the world. And in September, I became co-moderator of our online Expecting Club. Later, I also became the Community Leader for the Birth Control board for the same online community. My sphere of influence continues to grow.
As it has grown, so has my love for women on the whole and what we deal with and have to overcome on a daily basis to succeed in this gender-biased world. I have also had the opportunity to witness how women can be the enemy of women. It both saddens and angers me when I see women tearing down other women or making comments that set our entire gender back 2 steps for every move forward. It's endlessly frustrating and exhausting. Sometimes it feels utterly futile. I will, however, keep plugging along because I am no quitter.
It is quite by synchronicity that I came across this "lost" post today because I came here with the intentions of posting an entry expressing my frustration with women bashing other women for their choices in feeding their babies. Why is this something that women even need to be arguing about? Why is this such a hot topic? I DO NOT UNDERSTAND!!!
***WARNING: I will be doing some ranting now.***
There must be something that happens, physiologically, when a woman breastfeeds her baby that causes her to feel superior for doing so. I wouldn't know because when I was breastfeeding my babies, I also had D-MER, so the physiology going on with me was negatively affecting my opinion of breastfeeding. Because of this, I formula-fed all of babies for the majority of their first year. It was the right decision for me and my family. Who is anyone else to judge this? Why is it even anyone's business? I applaud anyone who has successfully breastfed their babies. I especially applaud anyone who has overcome difficulties to do so. But I also applaud anyone who has made the heart-ripping decision NOT to breastfeed their babies. I've seen women (and been one of them) who agonize with the decision to switch to formula. What gives anyone the right to crucify these women for making that choice?
I believe that to be a mother is the most difficult job on the planet. We should be reaching out to one another and holding each other up, not pulling the props out from under others and ourselves. We have enough pressure and judgement from other sources and stereotypes to make it hard to stand. We should at least be kind and sympathetic to each other.
We all have the same job to do; raising healthy, happy, and productive human beings. And if my mission is to help heal and restore self-esteem to women, then it must also be to nurture healthy self-esteem in little girls, namely my own daughters. I can do this by allowing them to see me loving and helping other women and mothers. We all need to be setting this example. /rant (before I go off on another tangent).
Labels:
awakening,
babies,
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d-mer,
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formula,
formula-feeding,
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pregnancy,
self-esteem,
unplanned pregnancy,
women
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