Thank God for my Blackberry right now. It's a gorgeous Atlanta April day and I'm blogging from a lawn chair in my yard and watching my older kids play. The baby is asleep in my arms. Life is good and I'm alright. For now.
My in-laws have been here for 8 days. It has been so wonderful having someone to hold the baby, feed the baby, help with the big kids, and just keep me company. SO wonderful. I've had a reason to put forth the effort to get a shower and put makeup on. My moments of utter emptiness, deep sadness, total terror, and impending doom mostly subsided over the last week.
My in-laws left about an hour ago. It is amazing to me how quickly my PPD symptoms resurface. Like it's lurking in the shadows waiting to lurch out the minute I am alone again. I have managed to hold back the tears thus far. And this is why I'm so grateful to be outside enjoying the gorgeous sunshine and fresh air.
There is something about the sky being blue and the grass being green that helps me to feel like me. The sky may get covered by gray clouds but it is still a blue sky. I am still me. I am not postpartum depression. Somewhere beneath this fog is the me that adores a day like today. And it's days like this one that remind me of that.
Huge thanks to my father-in-law who cleaned my garage so that there is a nice clean place to sit and watch the kids play. Somewhere to sit and listen to the birds sing, to watch the trees sway and the new spring leaves dance in the breeze, to feel the sun on my face, to feel myself breaking free!
So, I'm okay. I foresee many more afternoons like this during the spring, summer, and fall. I think I may turn this space into my sanctuary, my safe place to "recover". (Hmm, I think a nice swinging bench and patio table will look great right over there.) I'm okay. We're all going to be okay.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
My in-laws have been here for 8 days. It has been so wonderful having someone to hold the baby, feed the baby, help with the big kids, and just keep me company. SO wonderful. I've had a reason to put forth the effort to get a shower and put makeup on. My moments of utter emptiness, deep sadness, total terror, and impending doom mostly subsided over the last week.
My in-laws left about an hour ago. It is amazing to me how quickly my PPD symptoms resurface. Like it's lurking in the shadows waiting to lurch out the minute I am alone again. I have managed to hold back the tears thus far. And this is why I'm so grateful to be outside enjoying the gorgeous sunshine and fresh air.
There is something about the sky being blue and the grass being green that helps me to feel like me. The sky may get covered by gray clouds but it is still a blue sky. I am still me. I am not postpartum depression. Somewhere beneath this fog is the me that adores a day like today. And it's days like this one that remind me of that.
Huge thanks to my father-in-law who cleaned my garage so that there is a nice clean place to sit and watch the kids play. Somewhere to sit and listen to the birds sing, to watch the trees sway and the new spring leaves dance in the breeze, to feel the sun on my face, to feel myself breaking free!
So, I'm okay. I foresee many more afternoons like this during the spring, summer, and fall. I think I may turn this space into my sanctuary, my safe place to "recover". (Hmm, I think a nice swinging bench and patio table will look great right over there.) I'm okay. We're all going to be okay.
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
