I don't believe in coincidences. I believe in what Carl Jung dubbed Synchronicity. Everything means something. Could it have been an 'accident' that the greatest person I had ever known popped up in an instant message on my computer screen on the one day I was feeling lowest almost 5 years ago? I knew that moment was significant in that moment. I believed in its significance, prayed about it, dreamed about it, and even cried about it. I followed what I know to be Crazy Faith, ran with it, and I have never looked back.
There were several other synchronistic moments that lead up to that one but that was the one that made me pay attention. Since that moment, my life has been quite the unexpected adventure. And my dreams are coming true! It amazes me daily what has come to be by stepping out in obedience to Faith. There were times it seemed as if I was going the opposite of what ought to have been the easiest way to get where I needed to be. When "our" plan was for Mike to move to GA and then he accepted a position in Hawaii, nothing could seem more impossible. So, I left my comfort zone and I went too. The blessings that followed are innumerable. While some of "my" questions were left unanswered, we were unquestionably where we were meant to be. Our wedding was the most special and meaningful evening of my life.
Shortly after, we found out we were expecting Caleb. The move to Boston was another unexpected synchronistic event. It couldn't be a mistake that we were moving to the state where I was living when our relationship originally unfolded. It couldn't have been an accident that we ended up moving 17 miles away from the school I had been wanting to attend for the past 2 years. And then, again, it seemed like things were going backwards just to go forward. Nothing makes sense when it seems as if nothing is going your way. And then, stepping out just a little, doing something daring, gets things rolling again.
The last two months of my life have been the most joyous I have ever known. Mine and my family's future looks absolutely amazing. Now, I'm sure you can understand how sometimes a 'hitch' in 'your' plans can cause things to look bleak. So, I'm also sure you can sympathize with how shocked we were last weekend to discover that we would be adding a 5th family member in about 9 months or so. But if you read the opening paragraph of this blog entry I'm sure you also know that I don't believe in accidents.
Everything requires an adjustment period no matter how perfect or imperfect it may seem. A week of reflection was all I needed to become the happiest expectant mother on the planet. I have the most incredible, adventurous, and blessed life of anyone that I know, personally. Not only will this miracle of a child bless my husband and myself, but my other two children as well. The blessings are already obvious to me. In this one week, alone, I have realized that I love being "me"! On my amazing journey, I have come to discover who I am. It is so much easier to wake up in the morning and just be me instead of wishing I had someone else's life. I think there are a lot of people who struggle daily with themselves and I'm very happy to finally be at peace.
While this baby may not have been part of "our" plans, experience tells me that life is about to become much richer, more colorful, more exciting, and beyond anything that we could think, hope, or dream. (Eph. 3:20) I am more excited than I could possibly be!
Experience has also taught me that there are always people who, not only, will not share my excitement and enthusiasm, but will try to discourage me and bring me down. A benefit of knowing who I am and trusting Him in crazy Faith is that I've come to understand that the only opinions that matter are those of my husband and my children. How someone else feels about my choices and my life is their business. My bliss is no longer dependent on someone else. By the way, didn't you know that 3 is the new 2? Ha!
"Before I formed you in the womb I knew and approved of you..." Jeremiah 1:5
