I'm struggling with so many emotions. And they shift quickly before I've had a good chance to process them and work through them. It makes for very exhausting and long days. I'm so tired of waiting and there's nothing I can do to help the process along. I feel so helpless. Helpless, desperate, anxious, angry, and volatile. Lord help all the poor souls who have put their two cents in. I know with the logical side of myself that my friends and family mean well and that they think they're speaking out of love. There are just certain things that you do not, under any circumstances say to a pregnant woman in post-dates, especially when you, yourself, have never been in that position. ::::Another deep sigh:::: It will never cease to amaze me the amount of advise you receive from people who have never been pregnant before or never been in post-dates. This brings me to something else I've been mulling over and over....

I have been praying....A LOT....and crying in prayer for intercession. And yesterday, it struck me that I don't feel particularly comforted by this even though the Holy Spirit is supposed to be my Comforter, right? And what I would really like to feel is somewhat comforted by someone who has been there. My mother is the only person I know in 'real life' who has ever been in post-dates and can sympathize with what I am going through. But a certain scripture stood out in my mind yesterday and actually made me feel worse than anything I am physically going through right now. In Hebrews 2, the Bible says that Jesus is able to intercede on our behalf because he has been tempted and tried and tested in every way just like us. How can that possibly be true? How can Jesus intercede on my behalf if he has never been pregnant or even had a uterus for that matter? How can it be fair that God (being neither male nor female) chose to become flesh and experience human life as a male, yet be a representative for females also? How am I, as a female, supposed to be able to relate to a deity that, at times, I feel can't relate to me? ::::Even deeper sigh::::

Mike tells me that now is not the time to question my faith. I need to make perfectly clear that I am in no way questioning my faith. Questioning God, yes; my faith, no. Isn't it totally natural for us to question God? I mean, isn't that why He gave us a book of answers? He intended for us to have questions. I just don't see the answer to my question anywhere in the book and hear nothing but silence when I question aloud. Occasionally, there is the resounding "Patience" or "Wait". Well, I guess since that's the only choice I have.....geez.

In spite of my questions and even my doubts I still have complete trust that His plan for me is good. My baby will be born at the perfect time, the time that God has appointed for me and for Caleb. I have faith that He is lining everything up for me to have the experience with this birth that I've been wanting because He delights in giving us the desires of our hearts. I know that all things work together and fit into a plan for our good.

I should probably stop now. I'll just continue waiting, dodging insensitive comments from well-meaning folks. And once the baby finally gets here, I'll have to dodge even more unrequested advice about all things "baby" from more well-meaning friends/family; probably even strangers. Ha! And everyone wonders why I'm so anti-social and border on a hermit. ::Shaking head and deep sigh::